yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
