What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
