Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
