they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
