I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
