I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
