I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
