May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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