There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
