puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
