i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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