He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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