How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
