i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
