I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
