Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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