gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
