Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
