After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
