i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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