So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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