Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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