we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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