Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drunk is not a location!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
