Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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