she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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