My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
