I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
