PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize