i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize