and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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