Is it because I queefed?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
