I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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