census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize