I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
