Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
