I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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