I wish I only lived at night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
