I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
