You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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