Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
