i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
