he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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