Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
