Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
