I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
