I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
