4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
