Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
