So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
