So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
