plz talk dirty to me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
