Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
