I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
