I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
