just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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