Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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