my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
