Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
