I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
