tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
