So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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