Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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