After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
