i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
