i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
