im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
