Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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