just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
