I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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