You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
